Conflict is inevitable in any kind of relationship, and even
couples who get along better from time to time argue; at some point they
recognize that there is a problem that needs a solution and you have to find it
between the two. All this in theory sounds wonderful, but it takes more than
good will for the solution to appear.
Some experts in relationships as John Guttmann say there are
signs that warn if your relationship is at a crucial moment that could define
their course, whether to continue or to effectively end. When there are
discussions, it often falls into attitudes that, instead of solving the
conflict, aggravate it. Here are 4 mistakes you should avoid to have a good
relationship.
1. Attacking the person and not the behavior
When someone criticizes, he often does it in a way that
implies that there is something wrong in the other, such as personality or
character, and he usually does it by generalizing: "you never ...",
"you always ..." or "you are the type Of person that ...
"and the only thing that this provokes is that the person who feels attacked
reacts on the defensive. That is why it is important to focus specifically on a
behavior, without attacking the personality of your partner.
2. Show contempt
Sarcasm, pride in replies, mocking or making gestures like grimaces
or moving eyes while the other speaks are signs of contempt, who seek nothing
more than hurt the other. It is necessary to work to eliminate these harmful
behaviors and build a base of respect, tolerance and kindness in the
relationship again.
3. Being on the defensive
And sometimes it happens without people noticing. This
behavior is an attempt to defend you from an attack with a grievance or by
placing yourself in the victim's plan. It is to reject one's responsibility by
not accepting mistakes, much less offering an apology or asking for forgiveness
when necessary. What you should be is try to put yourself in the place of your
partner and see things from your perspective. Nobody is perfect. Speak with the
truth and listen in a perceptive and open way.
4. Create a wall
Punishing the couple with silence or leaving the room to
avoid conflict can sometimes be an attempt to remain calm when a feeling
overwhelms, but the result is often disastrous and leads to the cooling of the
relationship. The antidote is to learn to identify the signs that you or your partner
begins to feel emotionally overwhelmed and to agree to take a break and resume
the conversation when both are calm. Only the couples who know how to discuss
take advantage of the differences and achieve a happy, healthy and stable
relationship.
